A person who I consider to be a good friend recently alluded to the fact that they think I am fat twice in the last week. Both times we were in some manner of shop.
Well, thanks. I really appreciate when people point out my flaws while I’m in a public place.
Let’s face facts, folks: I am not a skinny girl. I never was, and I think it would take me being very ill to become so. I come from hardy stock – my mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc are/were all pear shaped. I inherited the unfortunate trait of carrying most of my weight on my stomach. I am comfortable with having meat on my bones. I know I could be thinner, but I don’t usually worry about it too much because I know I am healthy. I exercise, I eat well – not a lot of greasy crap and lots of fruits/veg. I tend to gain around 10 pounds in the winter, and lose it all by summer from walking, hiking, cycling.
However, that does not give someone the right to insult me. I have serious self esteem issues and yes, it does bother me when people say cruel things to me. Things that should be thought but not said. I can’t read minds, so I don’t give a flying fuck what people are thinking. This person seems to lack the ability to filter what they are thinking, and they do not think what they say is wrong. Ever. If I want someone’s opinion on my weight, I will ask them for it. Hell, if I want someone’s opinion about anything to do with my personal appearance, I will ask. Criticism of my genetics is not welcomed.
And yes, before people get all ‘you should talk to them!’ on me, I have tried. It is rather like talking to brick wall. I don’t think this person actually respects me enough to be concerned with how they hurt me. They tend to avoid, ignore, pretend nothing happened, and hope it’ll go away. And this keeps happening, again and again. I feel like I’m in some kind of abusive relationship – hoping they’ll change, knowing they never will, but going back for more abuse. As someone who HAS been in an abusive relationship, it definitely feels like it all over again.
I am very tired of toxic people in my life. I’m good at talking myself into being depressed and suicidal, thanks. I don’t really need anyone’s help.
Is it too much to want my friends to respect me?
